what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
