Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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