literally had 100 drinks last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
