We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
