you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
