You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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