i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
