i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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