dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
