textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
