he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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