There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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