You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
