I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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