And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Naked. naked and bneed help.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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