The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
