Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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