Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
