Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
