bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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