Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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