wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
