hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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