im drinking this country out of the recession.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
