Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
