I want to walk on stilts...naked
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
