I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
