I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
