In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
