who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
