remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
