another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
