i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
