every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
