I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
