thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
