i just had sex bonerless
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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