He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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