im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
