xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
