Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
