Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
