what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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