How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
