You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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