Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
