If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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