you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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