You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
