Nicole vs. Life
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it hurts more in the daytime
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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