i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....