I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.