nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't deserve a penis
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One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?