I wish my penis had an off switch
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro