I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!