you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
