No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
