The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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