Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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