yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
