Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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