Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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