Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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