Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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