I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
