Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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