Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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